Nina-in-USA

That's all, folks!

2006-02-07T20:47:00.000-08:00

It has taken a few days, but I feel like I've mostly recovered. The fact that I haven't finished cleaning my room of the debris from the festive season and the packing efforts of two trips out-of-town hangs over my head, yet I feel I'm making inroads. But earlier this afternoon - stretched out on the lawn under the shade of our jacaranda tree with my lunch, the warm summer scent of green things on the breeze, my cat lying on the grass next to me and peanut butter dripping off my toast onto my knee - I think my system finally realised: I am home.

It occured to me that many people may have assumed there were no more posts to come, so I have no idea if anyone is still checking this (except probably Mark; hola, Mark), but I felt I had to wrap it up properly. Now seems a good time to do so.

I like being home; I like the familiar trappings and spending time catching up with family and friends. It is nice and comfortable at the moment. Of course, what I don't want is to slide back into things so easily that I don't do anything with what I experienced and learned. I trust God that this is trip to Chicago was a first step toward serving him more substantially with my life, and certainly not an end in itself. I believe he will show me where he wants me to go from here, and I pray I will eagerly step out in faith when he does. In fact, I made a deal with God to that effect - that if he would clearly show me where to go, I would obey - which is what sent me to Chicago in the first place.

So I will be keeping watch for the next step. On the flipside, it is easy to become impatient with God. I find I often want to say, "I'm ready, God, let's go!" - but I know this demand comes from haste and ignorance. God knows better; God will tell me when I'm ready, not the other way around, and I'll go nowhere until he lets me. In the meanwhile, I can either exhaust myself trying to make headway that I can't make on my own, or I can wait on his good timing and learn to be faithful in little things before he entrusts me with big things.

I know that people who will follow the Lord and do his work must always be prepared to undergo change at his hands; to be refined like silver and gold. In the months leading up to going, God had been highlighting a few things in me which needed to be broken down and remade in his image. I am too self-sufficient, too defensive and proud to receive from people; and I am not very gentle - I have a "hard edge", as a good friend has observed to me.

God gave me some strong object lessons about these things in the few weeks I was in Chicago. First, he rebuked me: Jesus was not too proud to receive from people. God brought the story of the woman washing Christ's feet with her tears (Luke 7:36-50) particularly to mind. He was not embarrassed to accept what she did for him, but gave her dignity in the way he received. By refusing to need or accept other people's help, I am devaluing them and robbing them of the opportunity to demonstrate God's love to me, and I am diluting our relationship. This is not what God wants.

God pointed out that I also try to be self-sufficient because of the fear of needing something from another and not getting it. But pretending not to need anything is not the solution; neither is going around and demanding things of others to meet these needs. The key is to trust God that he will meet my needs perfectly, in the perfect way - through others or not. God's asking me to trust in his goodness and faithfulness. I believe that through this God will also address the issue of my "hard edge"; as I become less defensive I can become more gentle.

So that is just a few of the things God has been showing me through all this. There has, of course, been much more - but I tried to confine myself to the central stuff, as I see it. And that, for the moment, is that - until I see you, or go on another of these trips, or start my own actual blog, or something. It has been fun to bring you along on this part of my journey with God, and may he bless you in yours.

Nina May

Last post from the US of A

2006-02-01T21:47:00.000-08:00

After I got back today I spent almost the entire evening procrastinating before succumbing to a whirlwind of purpose and packing in about an hour. This is my last night to be up late, typing odd thoughts, in Chicago - although I can guarentee with great certainty it will not be the last night I ever spend staying up late and typing stuff.

Having said that, I'm not going to spend very long on it tonight. There is nothing big pressing on my thoughts from the day, and all the other things - things God has taught me through what I have experienced and observed - I would like to leave until I have the time and emotional energy to invest in it, to do it justice. There is all the "leaving" things: saying goodbye and getting a photo or two, all the kind of routine stuff that you need to do. And then of course packing, this evening.

I very much enjoyed spending time with all these people, intense and short as our time getting to know each other had to be. Somehow when you only get snippets, it is easier to appreciate how remarkable people are than when they are around all the time. As one of the people I met over here observed, it is the worst bits of the US that gets exported to the rest of the world. Whatever you think of the USA (I am trying to avoid the word "America" out of respect for the Canadians and Mexicans, and the whole Southern continent, while we're at it) and its manifestations around the world, the people here are warm, genuine and generous. Well, I mean, some of them are a little crazy, but that's the case everywhere.

So I will try to get some sleep in deference to the fact that there's a lot of flying to be embarked on tomorrow and I don't slumber well on planes. Goodnight!

Art Therapy Theory 101

2006-01-31T19:22:00.000-08:00

Let me rattle off a few names for y'all.

Dali Pollock Rothko Monet Seurat Degas Manet Cezanne Tolouse-Lautrec Rodin Degas Van Gogh Constable Turner Singer Sargent Giacometti Kandinsky Man Ray Miro Brancusi Picasso Matisse

Now: guess what I did today.

The Art Institute of Chicago is a big museum - I mean big. And it is a terrible thing to wander an art museum with a ticking clock in your head. However, I managed all those listed above and a great many more in about three hours, which is all I had. It is not the method I recommend, but if it's the only one you've got, go at it as hard as you can. I felt like I was almost jogging through the last lot, many of their works lingering in my head like brilliant moments of colour and form - which perhaps has some appropriateness to it after all. I did enjoy myself thoroughly.

There were far too many things to mention, so I will say the highlight - despite some pretty good sculpture - was when I walked into a room and found myself surrounded by Monets. I mean, I walked probably three-quarters of the exhibits, and no one makes light play like he does. It's like he had a tube of it in with his tubes of paint, and he just squeezed it out onto his palette and mixed it in with his colours. His paintings glow.

I do, however, have to take a moment for Ben and Penny; there was a whole room full of weapons (swords and axes) and plate armour (field and tourney) which was just cool upon cool, although most of them were from the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, which I know is a little later than their area of interest.

This afternoon Karmen, the kids and I finished up our sculpture project with them painting their figures. The colours red, blue and purple were especially popular. They seemed to have really liked doing sculpture and making bobbly or skinny little people, and their personalities are very distinct in their work, which is one of those things that I always find exciting about art. Another thing that I love about it - which came up tonight when discussing art therapy - is that in the act of creating something, a person is tapping in directly to a characteristic of God. Creativity is in us because we are made in the image of God, the Creator.

I will say right now that I don't know exactly why art, and creativity generally, has theraputic qualities. I have not studied it and I don't know the wisdom of our age concerning the practice of Art Therapy. But in my own musing on the subject, I have come to believe this has something to do with it - we are exercising something of God in us. I have not heard a good explanation of the inspiration, the compulsion, to make something out of basically nothing - to take blank canvas and dollops of paint, or any rude lump of matter, and bring structure, meaning, beauty and order into existence - except that "the muse moves us". Of course, this can equally well apply to any branch of the arts. But whatever form it takes, we have within us a desire to create, a need to describe and communicate, and a drive to defy the universe's slide into disorder and entropy. Take that, second law of thermodynamics!

We were talking about how even though there is an element of "therapy" in exploring the issues of what is being expressed in the art, there is a deeper therapy that occurs simply in the process of creating. Karmen talked about how she could see it, sometimes, when the kid is "in" it - when they are totally absorbed in what they are making. I know, from my own experience, that the head, heart, senses and hands somehow merge very naturally into a kind of wholeness, in which the piece takes form. It's not perfect, sure, but there is peace in its wake. I can't conceive how that could not be healing.

I think a lot of "Art Therapy" probably has to do with creating a context where the person feels comfortable and free to play, explore, fail, create and enjoy themselves - things that come naturally to children, but which are trained out of us as we grow. I believe many people need permission, reassurance and encouragement to break the habits of conformity and the fear of failure. As Karmen said, when we "play" in this way, we are operating on a different level, beyond words. Things we don't know how to describe, or even how to face, are given a unique avenue of expression, and they can then be addressed consciously. Of course, this is all just theory at the moment, and I am keen to investigate it in more depth and discover how things work in the world outside my head. Meanwhile, I will continue to revel in spinning vision into substance.

It is late, I am tired

2006-01-30T21:49:00.000-08:00

Once again I get home too late to be able to write sensibly. I've had a few deep and involved conversations today, and I feel a bit like I have run out of words for the day. However, one of the things I feel like God keeps reinforcing to me is how important relationships are. He created us as relational people; our relationships affect us powerfully, good or bad. It follows that how I relate to people is of utmost importance, both for them and for myself.

I have learned something while here about how I function in relationships with people, which I feel deserves rather more time and brain-energy than I can give it tonight. God has pin-pointed some areas within myself that I have to surrender to him, trust him with, and let him refine or heal. This is all part of becoming someone who can approach people and relationships the way God wants me to. It is a little scary and painful, but mostly it is exciting, because I trust what God is doing with me, even if I don't always understand it as I go.

I feel like I am slowing down with the sheer weight of experience from this trip - and also recovering from the sore throat/cold that I've had. I would like to write more, but I am finding I need to simply be still and contemplate, process. I am sure that I will have a great deal more to say afterwards, but for the moment I am over and out.

Official notice

2006-01-30T08:13:00.000-08:00

There is no post for Sunday due to technical dificulties. This does not mean just laziness.

A sensible bedtime is good for the soul. I assume.

2006-01-28T20:53:00.000-08:00

I was going to post more substantially, and earlier, but all of a sudden a party came at us, out of the clear blue sky (actually, it's been raining all day), and I tagged along. It was loud, but pleasant, and I had some good conversations with people; but I was glad that we only stayed an hour or so. We have been out and doing so much almost every evening that both Karmen and I needed to get to bed on time for once. We are tired.

I don't know - all this partying and ice skating and general jollification - is that young Nina doing any ministry at all, or is she just enjoying herself? Quite a bit of both, actually. Thank the Lord that he wants our serving of him to be fun, rewarding, enjoyable, and conducted in fellowship with each other - as well as hard work, stretching and challenging. Hey, even the hard work can be fun under these circumstances!

The conversations I've been having with all types of people have been really great, supplementing the actual ministry work I've been doing with insights as to ways in which many other people serve God in their lives. And I'm always reminded how much bigger God is than what I understand. Also, it's been opening my eyes to how very important fellowship is, in so many ways. So often I fall into the trap of thinking it's all about me and God in this journey of mine, when of course it's not; a huge part of my journey is us and God. The irony is, I suspect I'm not alone in this trap.

There's also this whole riff happening in my head about how my trying to worship and serve God needs to be in fellowship with others and not kind of on my own - because he is so big. I can try to glorify him on my own, but I am only one facet to reflect his glory back to him. To truly glorify him, I need to be one facet in unity with many others. Only then can we achieve the fire of a diamond - not yet flawless, but that will come. Right now we are a broken brilliance, but only together can we reflect his glory in a manner that is even approaching being worthy of him. And, what's more, our very unity brings glory to God, as it says in Romans, quoted in an earlier blog. Well, I guess that's obvious when we look at the flipside, when we see how disunity amongst believers reflects on God in others' eyes.

No doubt that's full of theological faux pas, like I'm not supposed to refer to the body of Christ (the collective believers throughout the ages) as a shiny lump of compressed carbon, and I should know better, or I left something vital out. I stand ready to receive biblical admonishment; apply below. No time-wasters. The judgement of the referee (Christ) is final; no further correspondence will be entered into. (Actually, if time-wasters want to comment, they are equally welcome; I was just trying to sound official and stuff. I've got a partially blocked nose at the moment. I'm just trying to prolong the moment before going to bed, because I really don't like trying to sleep with a blocked nose. It's on my list of top-ten things things I won't miss when I get to heaven, if I had such a list and if I'd actually thought before I typed it, because now that I think about it, there's pain and war and abuse and genocide and the shards of broken people and relationships and communities cutting people up all everywhere... This is a very procrastinative parenthesis, I am tired, and I am now getting a little silly, and making up words, which perhaps I shouldn't, and it is time for me to go to bed. Blocked nose and all.)

The only sensible way to end this is to say: Goodnight.

What I've learned so far, in brief

2006-01-27T22:52:00.000-08:00

It looks as though that one snowfall in the first week is going to be all I taste of a genuine Chicago winter; the forecast for the rest of my last week is more of this beautiful, (relatively) mild weather. Despite not having crazy weather stories, a la the Ukraine team, I think I'm satisfied; besides which, the junior teen group went ice skating downtown this afternoon, and it was glorious. Cool but not too cold to skate without a jacket, a delicate blue sky above with smatterings of clouds catching the setting sunlight, and a chill breeze from the direction of Lake Michigan sweeping through at times. I'd forgotten how great it is to ice skate outside!

Every now and then, people here ask me what I've got out my trip so far, and I'm glad to be able to give them an answer - particularly since I was, at points, asking God the same thing. In regards to the doing something issues which were cropping up occasionally, God unexpectedly gave me an answer a few days later. He suddenly said, "This is not your ministry, Nina; this is part of your training." I realised that here, in Chicago, was not where he has good works prepared for me to do (even though I am participating in the good works of others), but where he is preparing me. Since then I have barely even thought about it.

And I also started paying more attention to internal stuff; not just what I was seeing and understanding, but also how those experiences were affecting me, changing me. I realised that one of the key reasons God wanted me to go overseas instead of just jumping in to something at home was for perspective. It seems obvious now, but seeing the problems and the various approaches to ministry over here is giving me a new view of things at home. Especially when they ask me about something (often the situation of the Aboriginals) and I've really had to rack my brain for a decently informative answer. As often happens, having to explain something to an outsider helps you see it from the outside as well, re-examining all the cultural assumptions you'd been unconsciously working with.

As to why God brought me specifically to these people in Chicago, I don't know - but I'm glad he did. This is a very interesting group of people; and I know I've said it before, but seeing how they really live within the community they seek to serve and minister to is very enlightening. I've enjoyed getting to know each person, each distinctive personality. It's also good to observe how they work together, complimenting and supporting one another's abilities, even though they are, in some ways, very different from each other. Not to mention how inclusive and generous they all are.

So, yes, God is teaching me plenty - and I am sure there is more to come. I suspect I will be learning from this trip long after I get back to Australia. Oh, and that's another thing I've learned: how much I really like Sydney weather.

Actually a short one this time

2006-01-26T20:20:00.000-08:00

Tonight really will be a short post; I'm quite tired and I have a tiny little sore throat that I don't want to get worse through lack of rest!

Quickly, then: Today the church hosted a food distribution morning, with a view to making it a regular, monthly event. They partner with the local police station, and are supplied by a Chicago organisation (the name of which temporarily escapes me). Along with helping the community with food, the police want to use it to hand out information and literature about all kinds of abuse, self-protection and so on, and letting people know about evenings and courses the police run.

The church used it to begin an initiative discussed only the week before, of a prayer outreach, where they would ask people if they have anything they would like the church to pray about. A week or so later, these requests will be followed up, to see how the situation is and if they should still be praying. And if the church can do anything (which they often can't - a lot of the time is "pray for my mother's health" or something of that nature), they can meet that need. I personally think it's a powerful idea on many fronts, and so asking the people coming to the distribution if they had anything they wanted prayer for was a good start.

I don't think I need to point it out, but if you want to pray for any of those things, that would be wonderful. And now, to bed myself!

This was going to be "just a few little items"

2006-01-25T20:35:00.000-08:00

Hmm.

It's been a quiet, bluesy, drifting kind of day, a fitting mood for only one more week to go. I have either not enough or too much for a post. Since we have another early start in the morning, and I'm tired out, I will try to include just a few little items (this is blind optimism in action). This will hopefully make those with busy lives, and who long for bite-size posts, happy; I feel like perhaps I ought to apologise to them, actually, for not being able to accomodate the pace of our modern lives. But I've thought about it, and I can't quite force myself to concede to the pressure to become fast-food for thought; therefore, you get my blogs whole and rambling and unmarketable, or not at all.

One: bookstores are dangerous, and someone more responsible than I should take ownership of my weakness and confiscate my wallet before I go into one. Okay, I didn't mean that. And Boarders make a Peanut Butter Mocha that almost distracted me from their books.

Two: today was the first day that I really didn't feel like getting involved, feeling tired and a little ill all over, and I'm glad God made me stick to it despite my reluctance. I'm reminded I need to depend on God not only for the strength to do many of the things he asks of me, but sometimes I even need him to give me the desire to do them.

Three: kids are fun. I am really going to miss these guys when I leave.

Four: the book I'm reading, called Blue Like Jazz, plucked some great notes in me today; I can't sum it up but I can quote one of the things that resonated:
- "Actually," I told him reluctantly, "I have always agreed with the idea that we have a sin nature. I don't think it looks exactly like the fundamentalists say it does, 'cause I know so many people who do great things, but I do buy the idea that we are flawed, that there is something in us that is broken. I think it is easier to do bad things than good things. And there is something in that basic fact, some little clue to the meaning of the universe." -
Where I am now, that brokenness is evident everywhere (I think that in the suburbs it's often much easier to ignore within ourselves).

Five: every day I spend here, my own accent sounds sweeter in my ears. I'm enjoying my time here, but I'm also looking forward to coming home.

Six: I hadn't intended to include this, even though it has been so uplifting everytime I think on it. Perhaps because I found it such a personal revelation, and perhaps hesitating to offer it and not have people find it as moving as I did. However, God encourages us fundamentally to be generous with what he's given us, and this he gave me at the planetarium.

In amongst all the exhibits on the vast and really unimaginable forces at work in the galaxy was an exhibit on helioseismology, which studies pressure waves in the sun, caused by turbulence in the convection zone. (Stick with me; this is not a technical exposition.) The exhibit demonstrated an approximation of the sound frequency of the sun. It would have been a bit of a dry exhibit, if not for two things: the vastness of the sun and the power it contains was made so overwhelmingly evident; and the immediate notion that took me when reading about the sun's frequency.

The sun sings. Stop and just consider that for a moment.

The sun.

Sings.

Stars sing! Sound can't travel through empty space and the decibel level these huge objects "ring" at is so unbelievably low that I can't even begin to imagine it; but if those two things weren't an issue, we could actually hear the sun humming.

As you can see, this just blew my mind. And then, piled on top of that, was the thought: every star in the universe is singing a song that only God can hear. The stars are singing to God.

Since I don't know what I can possibly say to add to that, and considering I foolishly hoped to make this short, I will stop right here.

I love debates, but you don't have to

2006-01-24T21:57:00.000-08:00

Okay. Since each day's bible reading seems to somehow sum up half of what I want to say in these things, I will begin with part of it: "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom..." (the whole reading was Colossians 3:15-17). I want to get this down quickly, because I'm tired, but Mark (head of ITeams's urban ministry in the US) just got back to us in Chicago from a few days of conference things in Paris. One point of discussion led to another until I found myself reading a "Critical Issues Commentary" article; "A Biblically based commentary on current issues that impact you" on the subject of the post-modern "emergent" church, which was not something I have looked into much.

The article, found here http://cicministry.org/commentary/issue87.htm (in case you're interested - but be warned, it's a lot longer than my blogs, and has bigger words in it), was very interesting. One thing that bothered me a little was that I felt like the author quotes some scholar named Schaeffer far more than he quotes the actual bible. This may be accepted scholastic practice, and this Schaeffer fellow seems well-reasoned and biblically-based enough.

But, for me (what a post-modern phrase that is!), if the bible truly is God speaking directly and infallibly to us, then it ought to hold the answers to these questions in itself. God is outside of time; he knows the arguments that have been and are yet to be raised; he should be able to answer them. Surely it only weakens the case of anybody arguing for the divine authorship of the bible to chiefly use some other person's arguments to prove their point? (Anyone wanting to point the finger at me, re-read the bible verse quoted above.)

Okay, I know these arguments can seem endless and their intricacies have little interest to many. I will stop right now, and continue the discussions via email with anyone who wishes to pursue them, because frankly I love these kinds of debates which invariably prove to me that I always have more to learn and understand. And now, goodnight... or good morning... or g'day... whatever works for you...

Doing Something

2006-01-23T18:33:00.000-08:00

Today at the supermarket I saw a young Asian man in a snappy suit and pink tie, with a thick ponytail of dreadlocks sprouting out the back of his head. This has really no relevance at all except that I'm listening to Ozomatli and didn't have any strong opening for this post, and even then the connection is tenuous at best. And if you don't know Ozomatli from a bar of soap, then it will have little to no relevance for you at all.

Oh, and also: shame on you. Go listen to one of their albums right now.

Or not. As you like, actually.

This was something of a cruisy day, where Karmen and I got a chance to have a little craft session with just the two of us. So I don't have any direct observations to relate to you, except that she asked me what I'd been learning from my time with them so far. And... well, there's been quite a lot. One of the main things I've seen is that truly effective ministering to the needs of the disadvantaged has to be done while living amongst them. This isn't really a ministry that can be done part time, stepping in and out of it; you have to serve and live and build with them. Every day with these people I see that this is their life, not just nine-to-five "work". It is where they live and who they see and care for. So that is certainly a challenge, although to be honest I think it is one that lies some distance in the future for me.

I'm also getting a feel for art ministry, although that statement might be a bit misleading - a lot of it is situation-specific. There really isn't any set of rules or a template that I can piggy-back on. On the other hand, I am getting some understanding of how to approach it, as well as quite a few ideas. There's also a study of Art Therapy, which I will be looking into, to see how applicable that can be to what I want to do.

So far, though - more than any specific outreach or technique - the most valuable thing for me has been simply getting a feel for how these people live, and their attitude. They seek to "clothe [themselves] with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience... And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (And yes, once again that is from today's bible reading, found in Colossians 3:12-14, in case you were wondering.)

However, I admit to you all that part of this learning curve has been a little frustrating. I never thought I was afflicted by our society's task-oriented outlook; in fact, I have often tried to consciously reject that bias when evaluating things. But I have discovered that I am not totally free from it, through the reaction I have had to my situation.

The other ITeams that went out at the same time I did had some kind of specific task ahead of them. Washing babies in Bolivia, constructing a refuge in Honduras, teaching English in Thailand and the Ukraine. Whatever they end up doing, according to the needs they find when they arrive, they at least have some kind of goal in mind. They will be doing something, as our western civilized minds understand things. But at no time have I had any kind of task, goal or anything remotely resembling a schedule (apart from "tomorrow we'll do such-and-such"). Now, I didn't think this was going to bother me - and, day-to-day, it hasn't. What has bothered me intermittently is the latent conviction that I'm meant to accomplish something. It's that Protestant work-ethic drummed in by society in general, I guess - that unless at the end of a given period you have something to show for your time, you've been bludging and have lost status somehow.

The idea of my trip here was that I simply join in and live the lives these people do, so I'm tagging along and observing and participating and learning. And this is exactly what I should be doing. But this socially-manufactured guilt of not actually doing something has occasionally been a botherance; not a big one, but I thought it was interesting and worth mentioning. And since we have an early start tomorrow (aha! - early starts are bona fide evidence of doing something - you're all my witnesses at the great big Task Assessment in the sky, got it?), I will sign off there. Oh, by the way, the time the blog site tells you I post these things is a big fat liar in another timezone. It's currently about 10.40 in the pm. Definitely time for bed. 'Night all!

Superficial difference, unity at heart

2006-01-22T16:34:00.000-08:00

Being amongst the last timezones to still be on Sunday evening seems to give it a long, lazy quality - supplementing the fact that church starts at eleven. Eleven! Everyone can come with hearts ready to worship with a sleep-in like that. Of course, it can go on until one o'clock with no break, which some might find trying. Like the snow, though, I'm enjoying it as a novelty.

The church is the same one that runs the outreach programs, Westlawn Gospel Chapel. It plays a large part in helping the community - food and clothing distribution, youth ministries, even getting an activity centre, complete with indoor basketball court, built just down the road. This sort of thing is important to get kids off the street, give them opportunites to get into something constructive like sport, rather than gangs, violence, aimlessness or drug use. Also to give them access to responsible, dependable adult role models who will care about what they're going through - and to have safe places where they can just hang out. The danger around here is very real. And people come any day of the week to the church for some kind of help, and there's nearly always someone there to meet them.

But even with this kind of involvement, each meeting or bible study I've been to with these people has had some kind of discussion about how and where they can do more. They're only a small church, and they're stretched even as it is. Please pray for them in their zeal to serve the people of the neighbourhood; pray that God blesses them with the resources to meet the needs they encounter, and encourages them that with him all things are possible.

Now, another thing that has come up in one of the bible studies is that their church service is somewhat sedate, a little boring, not expressing the praise and worship of God in a way that is relevant to the younger people of today, those kids with all their hip-hop and what-not. Well, I mean... a Brethren congregation, the average age of its members a little on the old side - is there really much of a surprise there?

Yay verily, I tell you the truth: there was for me. This church is downright rowdy compared to ours. Some of those old folks really get down with the worship of Jesus. (And the young ones, too.) Their joy and fervor is very audibly and genuinely expressed. Just imagine if, during announcements, prayer, presentations and the sermon itself, half our congregation called out their personal response of praise to what is said...! And I'm not talking about the hearty and appreciative, "Mmmm", with the quiet nodding of heads, that we sometimes get at St Ives. I don't know if I can convey the experience in print; even in the more charismatic church services I've been to in Australia I've heard nothing like it. If you ask me when I get back I'll try to imitate it for you, but I really don't think I can do their heart-felt, joyous words justice here. There is, of course, much laughter to accompany this, and deep, sorrowful murmurings in sympathy with other people's difficulties. And remember, they say this is a quiet church.

Another thing that I've been enjoying is the hugs. Affection is expressed very physically, as joy is expressed audibly; upon meeting any woman in the church, I would immediately be enveloped with a big, welcoming hug. They hug each other in greeting and often in parting. I can't help but wonder how that would be received in our church - or in any churches composed mostly of white people. Here and now, though, it's a wonderful thing to be held tightly by a complete stranger, but who is a sister in Christ, saying "The Lord bless you, Nina! It's good that you're here. Praise God for you!" - which is practically verbatim from a hug I received this morning.

As often happens, this leads me to the bible reading I had for today, Romans 15:5-7, which says, "May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." Praise God that through the unity of our hearts, our outward differences in worship can combine in a beautiful harmony that will bring him glory!

What I Did On My Holiday

2006-01-21T23:07:00.000-08:00

I am officially exhausted.

I was going to stop and publish the post right there, but I still have an hour or two before I'll be too wrecked to function tomorrow, so I'll take a stab at getting this down. I promise to maintain as high a standard of coherence as possible.

Well, first off, it did indeed snow. We emerged into a magical white pixieland that turned out to be cold and a nuisance, but as far as I was concerned scraping ice/snow from the windows of the car, just so we could go anywhere, was all part of the experience. I was taken with my host, Karmen, when she went to work, and from there I ventured forth on "the El". The Spanish among you might be forgiven for thinking that I was on "the The"; in fact it is an abbreviation for the Elevated Train system, which is very, very noisy.

I made my way to downtown Chicago, aiming for the Shedd Aquarium (Brad told me I had to go, and to spare a thought for him when I was there, which seemed like a good enough idea at the time). I trekked out to the lakeside "Museum Campus", which included the aquarium, the Field Museum and the Adler Planetarium. The snow was no real hardship here; for one thing it was a pleasant few degrees above freezing, the sun was out and the sky was clear; for another, there was only about three or four inches, and most of the paths had been shovelled clear.

So I entered the aquarium, thinking obediently and affectionately of Brad as I did so. I discovered the admission was $23, and thought of Brad with somewhat less fondness. After standing for a few moments in the line I'd been hustled into, I came to the conclusion that affection could take you only so far, and I had better things to do than stare expensively at fish all day. I proceded to the planetarium to stare at celestial bodies instead.

Not wanting to spend all my time there, I got the exhibits-only pass which included none of the shows, and even so I ended up spending close to three hours in there. There's something so vast, so awe-inspiring about the images of dust-clouds and nebulae, globular clusters and super-novas, solar flares and computer-generated approximations of black holes that I could barely tear myself away. God's universe is truly humbling, only King David put it better than I can:

When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him?
...O Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

This passage was in the reading (Psalm 8) for yesterday. And faced with the discoveries we continue to make about the universe we live in, the wonder doesn't diminish - it deepens and grows and becomes ever more complex.

After spending almost three hours gobsmacked by the pictures and concepts on display, I got hungry, and decided to find something to eat. This didn't work out for a while, though - in fact, I made it back to where Karmen works before I found somewhere I really wanted to eat at. Before that, though, I strolled along the lakeside, which was gorgeous - the sight of so much "fresh" water in one spot, stretching out right along the horizon, is something of a revelation. Plus I walked along a snow-covered beach, which I've wanted to do ever since I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, just because the two substances seemed to occupy totally opposite environments in my head. So experiencing them as they literally interacted was very enjoyable. Also, seeing webbed footprints waddled across first sand, then snow, felt quite incongruous.

Once Karmen and I got back, we turned around again and met her roommate and friends at Cafe Leguardia, a Cuban restaurant which had fabulous atmosphere, decor and food, and we only got home an hour and a half ago. (It is 2.10 am right now.) I am, as initially asserted, exhausted; I'm also stuffed full of spicy Cuban food and loud, but friendly, authentic American conversation. And since we have church tomorrow (at the very civilised time of eleven in the morning), I now intend to brush my teeth and go to bed. More on actual mission stuff coming up tomorrow night - probably!

A post that's mostly filler

2006-01-20T20:30:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's 10.30 in the evening - and it is snowing. The air outside the window is literally glowing orange, the clouds and snow reflecting the city's light. Heavy flakes plummet sideways past the steetlight, and everything already has a two-inch blanket of snow.

Forgive any little tangental raptures I might suddenly run away with; after over a week of literally gorgeous weather, we're finally getting something genuinely Chicagoan. I'm not sure if that's a word, but I'm too excited to fuss about it at the moment. However, I'm sure most people here won't share my enthusiam; to them the preceding week was a blessed relief from an intense cold snap lasting right through December.

But for me, the tease of a few flurries of big wet flakes - which immediately melted on the too-warm ground - has finally turned into the real deal. Selfishly, I'm more than happy to revel in two further weeks of such weather - even the slush and the sleet and wind, if need be - and then decamp to sunny Sydney, leaving all the inhabitants of Chicago to it. After all, they choose to live here. Plus I have a marvellous lamb-skin jacket, like a thick ug-coat, lent to me by Lillian. This, along with gloves, hat, scarf and at least two pairs of socks, is keeping me very snuggly even on the much colder days; so worry not, mum!

I'm also a bit excited because tomorrow I plan to wander around the city on my own for a bit. Everybody here have been really generous in taking me places, and I've already visited downtown with one of the girls, Sally, for a leisurely "shopping" afternoon (I ended up buying one book). I've been here just over a week, though, and I'm beginning to feel the need to just be on my own; let my mind settle a little and process everything that I've been taking in. I project that I'll be spending at least an hour or two in coffee shops, thawing out, and journalling dutifully as requested by International Teams. Well, actually I'd be "journalling" no matter what. So this day is coming along at just the right time. Plus - snow! Perhaps three pairs of socks would be in order for tomorrow.

That's it for tonight; I'm trying to be more regular with the updates, because I know some of you are checking everyday and I also know it's a little discouraging to have the same old page popping up each time. I ought to have a good little essay for you all about my Chicago meander posted sometime tomorrow night. Also, I wanted to thank all of you who have written to me; you give me little moments of home in my head-space, and often it's just what I needed to recapture my balance when I get a bit overwhelmed. And your encouraging words give me little moments of home in my heart-space, which is even more important. I'm trying to respond to all of them, so if I haven't got to yours I will as soon as I can. But for now, thanks again!

Creative writing from Crown Elementary students

2006-01-20T19:08:00.000-08:00

My kangaroo name is Jaleh. Kangaroos have babys the name of a baby Kangaroo is jouy. Kangaroos can jump a long way. I want to be a Kangaroo. Sometimes the Kangaroos fight. They are bad like a bad kind. They jump very, very, very, very hight. They are brown some is tall some are small. If I was a Kangaroo will jump all day with my friends. A jouy is living in the mom's pouch.
- Jazzmine Spencer, 2nd grade

once ther was a Kangaroo and theas men trying to get the Kangaroo because it had the money. so they went after the Kangaroo, and and they ran in to the big rock and there car was messed up. so they lost the Kangaroo and went to a bar and got some beer and one man went out to get help. so he met this womman and she gave them help. when he got back the other man was waching this man get drunk. when he called, it was the man that was drunk. so thay gave him some coffie and they was flying. filliing they got the kangaroo.
- Brandon Guest, 5th grade

Boxing
Once upon atime there was a Kawola who was lying In the tree and he saw his worce enemy the Kangaroo. The Kanagaroo was hoping aband one day when suddenly the Kawola droped a apple from the apple tree and hit the Kangaroo said hey watch were you are throwing. The Kawalo said shut up a throw another apple the the Kangaroo. The Kangaroo said come down from that tree and I'll pound you on your head. the Kawola broke a tree branch and jump down from the tree popped the Kangaroo on the head then the Kangaroo gave the Kawalo ten punches on the face. The the Kawalo fell down and then the Kangaroo ate the Kawalo for super.
- Rodney Scott, 5th grade

Editor's note: I preserved as much of the original grammer, spelling and syntax of the originals as I could. There were also more peaceful ones, although even a lot of them warned people to stay clear since a kangaroo could take your "stomic" out. There was also one about a new kangaroo at school called Nina who was twenty years old, from Dallas, Texas. She wasn't very popular until she beat up the meanest, most popular kangaroo, and then she became the most popular kangaroo in senior high... Sounds like I have an interesting future ahead of me.

How to spell M-A-R-S-U-P-I-A-L

2006-01-18T21:43:00.000-08:00

A bit shame-faced, I had to write it down to see if it looked right, then look it up to make double sure. One of the staff at the after-school program had asked me to take about five minutes to tell the kids about kangaroos and koalas for their creative-writing session. I had to brush up a bit for that, too - I mean, put on the spot, could you talk for that long about our most famous pouched fauna? And did you know (or had you known in kindy, but forgotten) that the big kangaroos can cover up to nine metres in one bound?

We got some interesting little stories, too. Most of them seemed to be quite keen on the fact that not only do some male roos fight between themselves, but they can claw out the stomach of a man with their hind legs if they don't have the choice to run. (And apparently have done.) Perhaps I shouldn't have dwelt on that quite so much, but frankly the koalas as a community didn't give me much to work with. I mean, they're nocturnal and sleep up to twenty hours a day... although the kids seemed to like this idea a bit too. I hope I managed to get through to all of them that koalas aren't bears, so shouldn't be called it, but who knows. They liked the violence better.

I'll see if I can get a hold of a story or two and post them, with the authors' permission of course. Other than that, I'm just kind of sliding into the lives and routines of those I'm learning from; Karmen (the artist who does the art projects with the kids) and I are running an unambitious three-week sculpture project with the kids, trying to teach them a little bit about sculpture as we do so. When having them make a wire-frame each (the ultimate product will be papier-mache people, between one and two feet high - we hope), I tried to teach them the word "armature", but I don't think it stuck. Much like "marsupial", I suspect, but in the end I find I'm not too dejected about it. There's always next week... :)

Friends don't let friends drink Starbucks

2006-01-17T21:59:00.000-08:00

This sentiment was firmly stated on a little placard next to the cash register of a trendy, arty, cosy (and, yes, a bit snobby) coffee shop Karmen (my host) took me to the other night. While other concepts I come across here in Chicago might be more important, I thought this one was still worthy of a mention.
On the other hand, it kind of highlights the incongruity of my mission trip. I mean, usually "mission" conjures the idea of jungle trips in deepest, darkest Africa, or semi-legal forays into China, or suffering through a Russian winter. Hardship is usually assumed somewhere in the deal. But here, in the most affluent, over-merchandised country in the world, hardship is certainly not so obvious. I sit with most of the comforts of the modern industrialised world (or most of the desireable ones, anyway) within reasonable reach, and no anxiety that they'll be removed out of reach any time soon. Even the weather has been unusually glorious; clear, sunny and rarely dropping below freezing.
Do I have a point I'm leading up to? To tell you the truth, I'm not sure. I guess I kind of thought God was going to really wallop me with a couple of huge insights, but even the Martin Luther King Day mentioned before was more of a deep, but quiet, "Oh... okay. That makes sense." Instead, the realisations have been subtle, incremental, creeping up on my awareness from behind. Since I can't really fashion these into one big picture - not yet, anyway - I'm just going to get down a few impressions.
The first is the sense of deep wounds in the community. I'm only getting the feel of this obliquely - the guy at bible study who used to be heavily involved in the gang culture of the neighbourhood before becoming a Christian, talking about the tensions in his adjusting relationships with his old friends. Part of it is enduring their ridicule; part of it is agonising over feeling inadequate to help when they privately turn to him in their troubles. Or the friend of one of my host's who does art therapy every day with kids who are too disrruptive to be fostered out. Or talking about sex with the girls in Teen Club, where they take it for granted that a guy's going to drop you unless you sleep with him. Like teens everywhere lacking both perspective and self-esteem, it seemed most preferred that to the shame of being rejected or alone. Or the scores of kids out on street corners, every evening.
From the top down - or maybe from the bottom up - the whole of the society seems fractured. Kids from parents, white from black from Hispanic from Asian, district from district, wealthy from poor, justice from the weak. Yet at the same time I'm watching limited but powerful endeavours toward binding and healing. People who build relationships with those around them, and tell them they have real value, while the world around happily ignores them. People who care passionately and intelligently about social justice and protecting the weak, who include based not on status or ability but because all people are made in God's image, and that is precious. Maybe only a few people are impacted at a time - casting the net as widely as you are sometimes tempted to do invites ineffectuality and burnout - but there are ripples.
The bible reading for the mission teams today were Christ's words in John 15: "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command... You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other."
It's step-by-step, day-by-day, mostly unspectacular work, but the people I'm meeting - working in God's name and with his strength and love - are bearing fruit that will last in the people of this community. Despite not having any personal hardship to "authenticate" my mission trip here, this is a vital example to be involved in and learn from.

Martin Luther King Jnr Day

2006-01-16T19:22:00.000-08:00

Hi y'all.

This is the first evening I've really had much of a moment to sit down and type up much of what's been going on. Just so you know, I'm not planning to be writing something, like, super often, but I thought I'd just give y'all a bit of an idea of how things are going. Oh, and for all of you who had no idea I had any intention of going to Chicago at all, I did and I have and now I'm here for three weeks, getting involved in an urban ministry connected to International Teams. It's more to see what it's like, how it works and what I can do than to achieve anything specifically laid out. I am going to be getting involved in some art ministry stuff, but that's as far as concrete planning has taken us. So this is the first update of what I'm doing and what God is teaching me; please let me know if you don't want to receive any more - otherwise, I'd love to have you praying for this stuff, if you get a momen! t or think of it.

Three days in... I've basically got over my jet lag, kind of, but my mornings had mostly consisted of me sleeping. The two afternoons I have spent with the local church's after-school programs, just sitting in and meeting the kids and participating in whatever's going on. (This is in North Lawndale, an essentially all-black community, and one of the poorest districts in the city.) Yesterday, Friday afternoon, I went to the assembly of the junior school across from the church, in which they celebrated Martin Luther King Jr's life and achievements. Why? For Martin Luther King Day, which takes place as a holiday on the Monday closest to his birthday. Now how many people are aware of that, I wonder? Okay, I know you lot aren't American, but even here I'm fairly sure much of the white community wouldn't have much idea. One of the things that really struck me was how much reverence and gratitude they have for him and for! how he fought for them.

Proverbs 31:8-9 reads: "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."

The Martin Luther King Day tributes in this assembly, reflecting the attitudes and beliefs of the black community, made me realise just how much the poor, the voiceless and the powerless need people to take a stand on their behalf - and how much they appreciate anyone who genuinely does. Dr King did not begin his civil rights crusade because he wanted to be a great leader or for personal glory - in fact, as far as I understand, he was reluctant to take it on. But he was a man of God whose conscience would not let him rest in the face of the discrimination and abuse of the poor. (He was not just concerned for mistreatment of black people but for all poor, by the way; it's just that his campaigning started with civil rights for African Americans be! cause they were the people around him with the most obvious need at the time.)

Okay, enough lecturing (although this is really interesting stuff, I think). Dr King was a man, with his own failures and troubles, but his willingness to stand up and be counted - and his faith in God in doing so, come what may - is very eye-opening to me. I wasn't going to make this a long letter; in fact, I've taken the long way around to get to the impressions these things made on me.

One particular thing was how intensely the black community appreciate and reverence him, as I said. I realised I really couldn't name another person who had championed the poor in such an adamant and effective way in recent times (although that could also be the fault of memory and/or education); perhaps that's one of the reasons that they seem to semi-deify him. There simply is no other real hero of that kind to look to.

Now, I'm not becoming a Martin Luther King gr! oupie any time soon, but it certainly challenged me about my attitudes and motivations. I'm sure this will not be the last thing God has to show me while I'm over here, but so far he has made an impression which I'm determined will stay with me - and I'm praying to that effect, too.

So that's just ideas that are being mulled over from the first couple of days; pray that God gives me an ever deeper understanding of his concern for the needs of these people, the powerless and destitute. And then we'll see where he leads me from there! I'll probably write again in a week or so.

God's blessings, wherever you are at the moment

Nina May

I'm here

2006-01-16T19:15:00.000-08:00

Hi, just wanted to say that I've arrived safely - God's kept me well in hand - and I'm very tired. I didn't sleep at all on the plane except for two very brief naps, so I think I'm going to sleep well tonight. I'm at my host's place already, after having a quick dinner with the team leader Mark, his family and my host Karen. That's about it for now; it looks like I might be able to email kind of regularly, although I have no idea whether I will. I'll try to update you all at least twice before I get home though.

Okay, well, my brain is melting now and I don't want to have to focus this hard for much longer!

Goodnight all!
Nina May